I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
