last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize