I could make wine with my vomit
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
