You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
