So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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