I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
