I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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