i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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