I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
