I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
