I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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