i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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