I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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