Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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