if only i could text you this smell
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
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