Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
