Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
