Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
