Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
