I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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