i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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