cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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