i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
