my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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