Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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