escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i think i have two assholes
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
