I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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