You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
