so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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