NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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