i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Moan for me like Helen Keller
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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