I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
whose ass print is on the piano?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
