If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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