Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
