i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
