At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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