my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
