I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
