somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
tell your sister to shave her snatch
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
