Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
So. Much. Porn.
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