you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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