you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
