I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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