There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Is it penis luge time yet?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
