my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
