Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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