DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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