It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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