Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
