Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
