I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
