i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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