My friends, they love my intelligence
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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