i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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