i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
