she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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