Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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