my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
