Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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