They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
