I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
