he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Randomize