There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
