The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
